This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.
I met a lot of new cool people and tried so many new things.
However, I've been feeling a bit disconnected lately.
I feel like I'm seeking a new direction, looking to recalibrate my compass.

Especially today, being the last day of the year, it has been a day of reflection. While many are celebrating, I've been taking time to think deeply about my career trajectory and personal growth.

This question has been on my mind for a while.
Growing up, I have never seemed to be like the other people: I envied so much how they had passions, enjoyment for food, activities, whatever.
For me, I always lived by only experiencing things if forced or pushed by others instead of seeking them actively.

Even today, while I can't say I don't enjoy anything, because that would be lying to myself,
I can't really say I LOVE anything,
I can't really say I live fully,
and I'm still envious of those people who seem to take everything so passionately and at heart.

Even family relationships have felt a bit difficult recently. I've struggled to connect with my parents, my grandpa, my brother... even though I value the time I have with them.

It's like everything eventually becomes a chore for me, and the first thing to have become so was my family. That's also why I pushed so hard to find a job outside of home and why I rarely come back.

I've been researching this state of mind, and I came across potential reasons as to why I may have become like this, because I wasn't always like this.
For example, I can remember the passion I had as a kid for videogames, for construction games, for drawing, for science, for creating in general, and for being a leader of my friends.

1. My surroundings

Since high school started, I lost most of my old friendships, which led me to find new ones in the class I was attending.
I found myself connecting with peers who shared my niche interests in science and technology. However, I also felt a strong pull towards more mainstream social experiences—sports and social gatherings. I often felt torn between these two worlds. I have always felt trapped by my surroundings, and I never acted to get out of them.
After all, it was a safe space.
This is not only my friends, but also my family, which, even though they would support me no matter what, I still see as a limiting factor in what I could do and want to do.

2. Social Media

I came across a research paper that correlates loss of cognitive capability with the use of social media, particularly when engaging in "Doom Scrolling".
The constant information stream can fragment attention and dampen the drive to create. I've noticed how easy it is to fill every spare moment with consumption rather than creation, a habit I intend to break. It is convenient to let algorithms curate our intake, but I want to be more intentional about what I consume. Going deeper into research, I found out that the effects of social media are very similar to what I've been feeling these past years.
I might go back to this more in depth in the future.

3. The use of AI

I've noticed a tendency to offload too much cognitive effort to AI tools. While they are incredible for productivity, over-reliance can sometimes shortcut the critical thinking process. I want to ensure I'm using these tools to augment my thinking, not replace it. I miss the mental sharpness that comes from solving complex problems from first principles. Finding the right balance between leverage and dependency is key.

My good proposals for 2026

I'm leaving 2025 with a lot of good, bad memories and questions behind, but I also want to have some answers.
This is why in 2026 I will challenge myself to:

• Prioritize Personal Growth: Investing in mental clarity and emotional intelligence to become the best version of myself.
• Physical Conditioning: Finding balance through physical activity, perhaps martial arts or gym training.
• Digital Minimalism: Reducing screen time to reclaim attention span and focus.
• Intentional AI Usage: Leveraging AI for routine tasks while reserving high-leverage decision making and creative problem solving for myself. Ensuring I stay sharp on the fundamentals.
• Expand Social Circle: Actively seeking out like-minded individuals who challenge and inspire me.
  I know I can find people that align to me and better me as a person.
  This year I learned more about myself and my capacity to connect with others.
  This is proof that there are people out there who are compatible with me.
• Meditate: I have been kind of experimenting with this over the past months.
  I have been going for walks by myself, just for the sake of walking and thinking.
  I found it works very well, and it's one of the only moments in the day where I could actually have clarity.
  This year I would like to meditate better and with criteria.
  I need to get informed on this still.
• Strive to learn: I have bought a guitar but have rarely played it.
  I was mostly just driven, yet again, by someone else's passions.
  This time, I want to actually go ahead and bring myself to learn something for myself.
  Doesn't have to be only guitar, could be a new concept, a new recipe, anything.
• Cognitive Resilience: Training my memory and focus to rely less on external aids for basic recall.
• Additional goals: There's probably much more I'm missing, but in the meanwhile, I leave this blog post here as a way to remind myself that this is what I arrived at, this was my state of mind on that day, and this is what I don't want to be. I hope myself of the future will look back at this with a changed perspective, and a better outlook on life.

If any of this resonates with you, know that this journey of self-improvement is ongoing. I am confident in my ability to evolve and overcome these challenges, turning them into strengths for the future.